Saturday, September 25, 2010

HiHO, Hi HO...

Well, I have had 3 weeks off work, and have to go back on Monday. I am feeling ambivalent feelings regarding returning to work.

Happiness:- because if I stay home any longer I will go crazy...I need to work to keep my sanity. I'm looking forward to seeing the girls that I work with...(well most of them). I also have more contolled eating behaviour when I work because I don't have time to get bored, and I tend to just strictly eat meals only without snacking.

Anxiety:- I'm feeling anxious because before I went off for my sick leave to have my op, I was close to burn-out....I was putting in 10hr days without lunch breaks (which explains why I did so well on my optifast diet LOL). I was feeling overwhelmed by the whole job, and feeling very unappreciated, and unheard by my boss. I'm relieving in a management position, and have had to bring in a lot of new changes over the past 3 months....and many of my staff are having a hard time adjusting, or are just feeling unhappy in general.
I'm hopeless at delegating, and therefore end up stressed and overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to get done.
I have 3months, and approx 10days to go in this position.....and then hopefully I can go back to being a great nurse, who doesn't have to think about rosters, reports, meetings, staffing levels, and trying to keep everyone happy! I can just worry about looking after my patients, and making them better!!

Nervous:- I'm feeling nervous about the reaction I will get from my colleagues. The staff all know that I have been banded, and most of them have been extremely supportive....but I feel like I've lost minimal amount of weight since the op.....I'm worried that they will be thinking that I have failed because I haven't lost an amazing amount of weight post-op....does this make sense??? I know that it is a slow process, but a couple of the other nurses have also been banded earlier in the year, and they came back to work looking could really see the difference in them....they had to buy new uniforms! Although they did have 6-8 weeks off work post-op....
Yes, I know....we are all different....

Hopeful:- I'm feeling very hopeful, and positive that I am going to go back to work and be as calm on the inside as I am on the outside. I'm hopeful that I can learn to accept help from staff and to delegate when I am unable to cope with all of the work. I'm hopeful that I can be a great role model for my staff. I'm hoping I can learn to prioritise, and leave the not so important things for another time, and to prioritise ME and MY FAMILY before anything else...and to leave on time everyday...unless I need to help resuscitate somebody!

..........its off to work I go!!!

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