1. Self Esteem non-existant
2. No energy
3. not able to fit into a cinema seat without half squatting first then sliding my arse back, under the armrests to fit in there...once there unable to move until the movie is over, and people around me have left...and the whole time praying that there won't be an emergency evacuation for a fire etc, because if I tried to get up without sliding my bum forward first, I would be taking the whole row of seats with me carrying them on my saddle-bags!
4. Not being able to wear nice, normal sized, age appropriate clothes...although some shops are getting better eg citychic, dream diva etc
5. not being able to wear long boots in winter...I struggle to do up my ankle boots!
6. The obstacles I have to overcome just to cut my toenails.....first my massive boobs smothering me, then to get over my gut, and then to try and block out the lower back pain from doing this massive challenge...and to actually be able to see what I'm doing...its a wonder I have still got 10 toes! Anyway this is why I LOVE pedicures!!
7. Getting puffed out, and exhausted when I do something active with my kids.
8. Being unable to run- huge boobs, bad back, and unfit being the main contributors
9. Being nervous that I'll have to ask for an extension seat belt on flights...not had to do this yet...but last time I flew, I could only just get my belt done up, and was quite uncomfortable!
10. Not having many pics of myself with my children, as I don't like my photo being taken when I'm this overweight. I regret this...because you can't rewind time....and they often ask me when looking at photos "where were you mum?"
11. Feeling like I have no right to be in normal size shops, or beauty salons...I feel paranoid walking in there.
12. Not dancing when I want to deperately...because I don't want people to be traumatised by my wobbly bits.
13. My low libido...the more my weight goes up the lower my libido drops...
14. The guilt, disappointment, and depression that leads to the vicious cycle of binge eating, and putting on more weight.
15. Enduring hot, sweltering summers sitting on the side of the pool watching my kids swim, and feeling jealous of all the skinny mums, and also jealous of the not so skinny mums who had the guts to get in there with their kids and get cool, and have fun....
Now I know you all think I can't count but I just had to get those few other things down as well. Probably could think of another 10...but don't want to bore you all!
I've written this list not to sound like a miserable, sad sack......but to look back on when I have shed some more kilos...its so I can remind myself not to become complacent!!
It's also to see how much my life may change in the next year. I will review the list in a year, and see how many of them still exist. I will turn my whole life around to point in a positive direction, not just by losing weight, but by changing the way I think and feel!