Well my little country town has had torrential rain the last couple of days....we are normally a very dry arid part of aus, but we actually have lots of green things growing at the moment....and its nice!

I have had a pretty depressing week at work.
My good friend and fellow nurse had her Mum die early this week...she had a massive stroke 2 weeks ago, and we had been nursing her since then....she was an elderly lady, who was more than ready to go...but I felt really sad for my friend and her family...can't imagine losing one of my parents...
There have been lots of cancer patients this year, and at the moment in our little hospital we have 4 patients that are terminal. It is so hard to deal with your emotions when you are a nurse, because you have to counsel these people and their significant others, and try to get them to some level of acceptance, and to help them deal with their emotions, grief, and pain. So many of the patients want to know what their death will be like, and are very fearful about dying. I talk to them about their fears, or things they want to achieve before they die, it usually makes me very teary  but I think its important for them to have someone to chat to about these taboo things. They often don't speak to their relatives about these, because they don't want to upset them. The significant others also need someone to chat to as well, because they are also trying to be strong, but are emotionally wrecked on the inside, as they come to terms with losing their loved one....It's huge!! I'm welling up with tears thinking about these patients and their families as I speak...its just unfair!
This morning I got a call to say that one of these patients had passed away. This particular lady was the cook at our hospital. She was also our friend. She was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma in march 2010...by this time it had already spread to numerous bones in her body....she tried chemo, which was unsuccessful...she has been in our hospital for the past 6 weeks, unable to even lift her arm without excruciating pain....we have had her pretty much sedated in a coma for the last week, because the pain was too unbearable, and traumatic for her family and staff to watch her be in pain....I really believe that euthanasia should be legal....I think every cancer patient I have nursed in my nursing career which is approx 16 years...that have had significant pain, have asked me to give them a lethal injection to make "it" end....of course I have never done anything like that...but God I've wanted to at times.....it is so cruel! Anyway our friend is now at rest, and pain free!

We also have another staff member , a nurse, who was also diagnosed with NHL in April....she had a tumour in her chest wall...she is still having treatment at the moment, and still has a long road ahead of her, but she seems to be responding to the treatment....so lets keep praying, and hoping!

So yeah, sorry to depress you all...but just needed to get rid of some of that bottled up emotions!!

Anyway, on a lighter note...I went to my friend's mother funeral yesterday, and she had a beautiful send off......I got home at 1.45am this morning, and I am so bloody hungover!! I drank chardy all night, but of course forgot to eat because I didn't get hungry...thanks bandy!  Will have to remember to eat someting substantial, but small before I go out next time...not good having all that alcohol with nothing to soak it up....anyway, at least the head spins have eased!! I get dreadful mother guilt the day after a night out....I feel like this horrendous mother, and I get very emotional. But because I'm so guilty, my house gets a good clean....not sure what all thats about....but if there's any psychologists out there you may be able to analyze my odd behaviour....
Anyway, had a fantastic night...I felt confident...but who doesn't after a couple of glasses of wine?? People are starting to comment about my weight loss....which made me fell freaking amazing!!

Hope next week will be a happier week at work...but I'm sure we will all be missing our friend for quite a while!